2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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