We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
