waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
