Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are all done wearing pants today
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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