do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
