i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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