Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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