hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
