He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
