Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Found your dick twin last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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