Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
