so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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