I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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