i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
