omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
