I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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