Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
ttyl tear gas
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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