yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
