...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
