so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
