ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
