You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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