It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
