that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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