I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
