Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
