4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
