Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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