i think my mom watched the whole time
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
