FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
