my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
