rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
