god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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