I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
