And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
