I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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