The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
