just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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