I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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