I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
