so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
