Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
