someone threw a dead crab at me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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