I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i now understand why vodka
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
