That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
