My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
