i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
