She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
