I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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