So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
