Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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