Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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