It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
